Why I’ll Never Shrink for Others Again
For most of my life, I believed I had to be useful to be loved. Helpful to be accepted. That if I wasn’t pleasing someone, I was a problem. I wore the mask of strength and called it self-love—but it was survival. Performative. Shaped by stories I didn’t choose but carried anyway.
The shift didn’t happen in a therapist’s office or a breakthrough retreat. It happened, of all places, during a tough love exchange with ChatGPT. One response—clear and compassionate—held a mirror up to my beliefs. For the first time, I saw that the traits I thought were just “how I am” were actually false narratives I was finally ready to let go of. It was uncomfortable. These stories had been with me for 44 years. But I was done.
The Lies I Carried
As a child, I was told I wasn’t smart. That I wasn’t likable. That no one wanted to be around me. I heard stories like “we found you in the trash,” and when I was sent away as a toddler to live with relatives—while my brother stayed home—I internalized a deep sense of abandonment and rejection.
I learned early that needing anything made me a burden. And there was nothing I hated more than that feeling of being a burden. So I set out to be as independent as I could, as fast as I could. By 8th grade, I was working so I wouldn’t have to ask for money. I was praised only when I was helpful, so I learned to build relationships around usefulness. This was the type of relationship I was most comfortable in because I understood it and knew how to manage it.
The Shift
That ChatGPT conversation changed something inside me. I let myself name and release the beliefs that no longer serve me:
That I’m unlikable.
That I’m not enough.
That I’m undeserving of joy and success.
That people leaving my life means I failed.
I’m replacing them with new truths:
I am worthy—just as I am.
I am allowed to shine.
The world needs what I have to offer.
I used to think I held plenty of self-love and self-worth because people described me as confident and strong. But I see now it was self-acceptance within limitation. Now, I’m learning to celebrate myself without apology. To post the video even if it gets five likes—because that’s five people who connected. To take up space. To speak up, even if my voice shakes or feels awkward. Because I’m allowed to be real, not perfect.
Parenting Through a New Lens
This shift has changed how I parent—especially when I see myself in my daughter, Sawyer. She’s a deep feeler, just like me. Sometimes, when I ask her what she wants for dinner, she’ll say, “But what do you want?” Her first instinct is to please. That used to be mine, too.
And it’s exactly what I don’t want for her.
I want my kids to be thoughtful—but not at the expense of themselves. I want them to know their voice matters, even when it’s different. I want them to feel safe being bold, messy, curious, and real.
We celebrate wins at home, big and small. But we also celebrate failures—because they teach us. And when my kids don’t want to see the lesson yet (which is normal), I share my own mistakes. I model growth. I make it okay to mess up.
I’m actively breaking cycles. I want my children to feel loved not because of what they do—but simply because they exist. I may not always love their choices, but I will always love them. That’s unconditional.
A few years ago, we also changed out start and end of school ritual. Instead of asking “What do you want to be when you grow up?” we ask:
➡️ What’s your goal this year?
➡️ What were you most proud of this year?
Because identity isn’t a future role—it’s who they already are.
Leading with Light at KidsGiving Press
This version of me is also showing up differently in my creative work. I’m more visible than I’ve ever been. I’m having fun with the brand. I’m inviting my kids into the process. I’m not waiting until something is “perfect” to share it.
KidsGiving Press isn’t just a platform—it’s a space for children to be seen. To feel their worth reflected back to them. I never want a child to grow up carrying the kinds of limiting beliefs I held onto for decades.
No child should ever feel like they’re too much or not enough.
That’s why every story, every mission, every piece of what we create is rooted in emotional intelligence, joy, and self-worth. I want kids to grow up believing they are:
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Capable
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Creative
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Resilient
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Loved
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Enough, exactly as they are
For parents, I want to offer permission: we’re a work in progress. We won’t always get it right. But if we keep growing, keep showing up honestly, we’re doing the work that matters.
Not dimming my light means:
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Not downplaying success
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Asking for what we need
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Uplifting others in our community who are also shining bright
That’s the energy I want in everything I do. Because when we stop shrinking, our kids learn to rise.
Final Thoughts
If this resonates, you’re not alone. Whether you’re still making peace with your past or rewriting the future for your children, I see you. We can unlearn, rewire, and grow—together.
And if we do this right, our kids won’t have to heal from the same things we did.
They’ll just get to be—free, bold, and bright from the start.
